Saturday, September 1, 2012

Shoulda been

I shoulda been done today. If I had not relapsed, today was the scheduled day I would have taken my last little 2.5mg of the drug from hell. Instead I went up to 30mg today.

Who the heck knows if going up again was smart but 20 sure wasn't doing anything so might as well.

One "comforting" thing I found out today is that all of this crappy weight I've put on this week may just be water after all, even though the Lasix didn't take it off. A friend in my group said she finds she has to take it a few days in a row consistently for it to come off. So I've added it back to my pill box for the next few days. Cross your fingers for me.

It makes me feel so vain that the weight is the biggest deal to me, immediately anyway. But it's not about vanity. It's about normalcy. A normal person isn't as unhealthy as I am while focused so much on their health. Plus the looking different is hard on my psyche.

I'm really praying this new doc has some answers for me. I need clarity. I know I'll get much sicker than I am now buy I just don't like changing my doses willy-nilly & not knowing what the crap is going on.


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