Pity party #113- more to come

I'm feeling really alone today. And down. My kids have been really really hard lately. My husband works all of the time. I'm so grateful for his job and how hard he works but doing the single mom thing is wearing on me. I don't get a break.

This is the first time I've ever wished my kids weren't so close together. It's always been a lot of work but I've had 3 kids at home full time for over 2 years and have another year to go before N & A start kindergarten. They are so difficult to take anywhere. I feel like the overwhelmed mom who had one too many kids & is barely keeping her temper in check (sometimes I don't keep in in check). I don't want to be that mom.

Preschool starts next week. That'll help.

I've been feeling really crappy since going back up to 20mg. So far it hasn't helped my protein spillage & I've put on 3 lbs (in less than a week) all while working out every day and eating healthy. I'm serious- I kick butt at the gym. I work really really hard. I know it's doing something good but it's discourage when I just keep getting fatter all while eating salad.

I also just don't quite know how I'm going to have another baby. That's part of what makes me feel so alone. It's easy to say from the outside that I have 3 beautiful, healthy children. I am so blessed. It should be enough. So even my friends who understand my illness might not understand why I feel I need to have another. I just do. But it scares the crap out of me.

Alone. That's how I feel. Really really alone. And that's no one's fault. I have fantastic friends and family who listen & are supportive. It's just... Hard. This is hard. Too hard.