Irrationally irritated

That's me.  All of the time.  When people and things keep ticking you off or annoying you over & over, you start to get the idea that its probably not really other people's fault.  Its yours.

Not EVERYONE is annoying me these days.  So if you've spent some time with me lately, don't think I mean you.

I hate this feeling.  I feel cranky & out of control of my emotions.  And of course the people that suffer are my husband & children.

My energy level goes through ups & downs.  Right now I'm on a down, and have been now for several days.  So that's not helping.

I'm in a vicious cycle of being so exhausted after lunch that I HAVE to nap to make it through the day, then I can't go to bed at night because I've napped, which means I don't get enough sleep... and the cycle continues.

So anyway, friends, family, people I love... if I seem out of sorts its because I am.  Don't take it personally.

(P.S.  I made my first ever gluten-free cookies.  They were ok.  Just ok... but I ate like 2 dozen of them anyway.  Why can't I have self control???  So, needless to say, I'm not baking anymore unless its not GF & therefore off limits.)

All worked up for nothing

I was seriously sick to my stomach when I was driving to my doc appointment on Friday.  SICK.  I have major authority pleaser issues.  For reals.

Anywho-- My labs came back FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC.  No protein.  NONE!  I started out at over 5 grams!  And all of my other numbers, including my cholesterol, were in normal range.  So when Dr. B asked by my prednisone dose & I told her I'd gone down to 30, then 20 on my own, she was like, "Ok."

All of that worrying for nothing.

I don't think she was that surprised.  She knows I do my own research and the #1 thing I've always liked about her is that she actually appreciates that.  Most doctors are annoyed.

So she pretty much told me to keep tapering as I see fit.  She gave me 3 lab sheets & pee jugs so I can do a 24-hour urine a few times over the next few months & told me to not come back for 6 months!  Wahoo!

Next stop-- loose this freaking weight.  I hear 10mg is the magic number.  I'll be there in 5 more weeks.

20 mg

So here's the update-- 20mg has been easy.  The only noticeable change from 30mg is that I'm not craving sugar as bad.  So that's made it easier to not eat crap.  I stopped buying all the ice cream a while back but when those cravings hit, and you find yourself digging through the baking supplies just to find some crusty old chocolate chips, you know you've gone too far. Glad to be past that.

My energy is good!  I finally bit the bullet & paid for my kids to have a day-care membership at the gym. Its RIDICULOUSLY expensive so I have refused in the past & just gone early or late.  But its summer.  In Houston.  It's SO !@#$ hot already!  Hubby is working all of the time... kids can't play outside in the afternoons... so we did it.  And it's been lovely.  Gym every day.  The kids LOVE the day-care.  Win-win. (Except for the loss in the pocketbook).

Oh & I thought I had put on a few lbs but noticed some slight swelling in my feet last weekend after wearing heels all night.  Took a diuretic Sunday morning & lost 3 lbs in under an hour.  Ok, so I know it was just water but it still felt good.  So overall, I've gained 11 lbs since starting prednisone. I've only gained 1 lb. since I dropped to 30 (then 20) mg.

I'm happy with where I am.

Cruisin

Today has been awesome.  Rewind to earlier this week... I was exhausted.  Couldn't sleep enough.  I'd go to bed super early, sleep hard & wake up exhausted.  The gym was excruciating.  Usually once I'm there I pep up & get into the class.  Wednesday morning was particularly hard.  EVERY MINUTE.  But then-- for some reason, yesterday I pepped up.  Felt good.  So today I went to my normal spin class & then went back for a new Core class my gym is offering.  They did this big event today to bring in the new classes... it was super fun.  I wanted to stay for more but didn't want to push it.

I can handle these highs & lows.  BUT.... I have this gnawing fear in the pit of my stomach, every time I go through a low point, that its going to stay... I don't know how I'd live like that!  Tuesday night I went to bed BEFORE my kids did.  I was trying to finish up some laundry before I headed to sleep & I could barely lift the basket.  That kind of exhaustion, day after day, would be too much for me to handle.  And I know a lot of the girls from my group deal with that on a regular basis.  They are rock stars.

Oh! Oh!  I almost forgot!  I met a lady at the gym today who is 50+ and SHE had problems with her kidneys in her late 30's.  Went on prednisone, went GLUTEN FREE, dealt with the kidney stuff off & on for several years and has been TOTALLY fine since she was 35.  She's started eating gluten again a while back, wasn't feeling well, was putting on weight, her dr. told her to go back on completely gluten free & she looks & feels awesome.  You seriously have to look close to believe that she's 50.  She's my new hero.  I know it doesn't work like that for everyone but I hope that my story is like her story when I'm 50.

Lastly... I've now been on my 30mg of pred for 3 weeks.  My plan is to drop to 20mg tomorrow.  I did my bloodwork & 24-hour urine yesterday.  I see Dr. B this Friday.  I did a test strip this morning and there's almost no protein in my urine (YAY!) so I think I'm going to go ahead and drop to 20mg.  What's still TBD is if I'll be brave enough to tell Dr. B that I'm weaning myself faster than she told me to.  I'm totally 100% confident with my decision... but... I have authority issues.  Just a little quirk I have!

I'm now up 15 lbs.  I can't WAIT to get low enough on pred that I can start to loose it.  I hate looking at pictures of myself.  I try to not worry about it but its hard.